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Submitted by: Gath

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woof woof
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HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
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He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
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He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

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4:38 - best time ever! Good Maen to all!
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LONGEVITY:

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
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Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women - Leftover wine?? Hello!

Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away..

Real Women More...
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2:24
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A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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Maen to all
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2:57
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2.12 - don't usually bother with easy!
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Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking, to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women - Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites, so don't do it.

Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. More...
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It's 'hugs and kisses from Tayla and me' not 'from Tayla and I'.It's a common mistake and another of my pet hates.You wouldn't say kisses from I,you'd say kisses from me,so even adding 'Tayla and' doesn't change that.
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Deb, Yvette, et al. . . . I missed 9 o'clock church service, as I could not stop reading. Thanks for a good lol.
I don't think that little creature would have ended up under my rottie's head. My rottie is too afraid to let it anywhere near him.
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Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.
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grammarmaster:
I hate it when 'then' is used instead of 'than'.

But then, you are smarter than I.

(Or is it than me?)
Just kidding!
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A mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother:
'What's that?' 'That's the elephant's tail,' she replies.
'No, under the tail,' says the youngster. The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, 'Oh, More...
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The father draws himself up to his full height and says:
'Son, I've spoiled that woman.'

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A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man More...
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The Jamaican replied, 'No, Mr. that says Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'.

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Yvette! Now I REALLY NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!


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A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading --- a couple of minutes More...
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'Well I'll be damned', the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized.
'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong --- how long have you had arthritis?'
'I don't, father, I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it'
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Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson:
you find the present tense,
but the past perfect! ~Owens Lee Pomeroy
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Yvette!!!!!! Stop Now!
They are ready to excommunicate me. . . . . I wonder if there is such a thing as 'double excommunicated?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?
Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?



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Lost my connection then!!
Did you know that 'verb' is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
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If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

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If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to 'member' somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?

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4:36
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Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for 'monosyllabic'?
What is another word for 'thesaurus'?
Where do swear words come from?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram'?

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Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people use the word 'irregardless'?
Why do some people type 'cool' as 'kewl?'


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Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
Why is it that the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
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Why is 'crazy man' an insult, while to insert a comma and say 'Crazy, man!' is a compliment?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
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Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
Why does 'cleave' mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

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Hi Anne, It has been a bit of both. I did have holidays and was interstate and OS but my work regularly takes me out to remote communities around the Top End. I enjoy the adventure ... but am over the packing! Glad that Albany weather is treating you well.
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No Kathy, no accident. Mark was born with CMT (Charcot Marie Tooth) a hereditary condition. His sister has it but his brother was lucky and missed out. Mark is affected only on the ankles and feet. He had an operation on the right foot about 7 years ago. The aim is to get as much of the sole of the foot onto the ground for balance
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GO TO BED
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