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Submitted by: Gath

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What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a Funeral Director?

..... A Funeral Director doesn’t keep losing the ashes!

21/Jan/11 5:57 PM
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Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes’ skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day.

..... Andrew Strauss called correctly, and, quick a flash said to Ricky Ponting ‘You lads can bat’
..... Just as quick, Ponting replied ‘No, we can’t. We really can’t’!

21/Jan/11 5:58 PM
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What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?

..... A waiter!

21/Jan/11 5:58 PM
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If these jokes have been on before, my apologies. At least it's nice to know that someone keeps trying.

Of everyone in the Aussie team – who spends the most time at the crease?

..... The woman who irons their cricket whites!

21/Jan/11 5:59 PM
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What’s the height of optimism?

..... An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen!

21/Jan/11 6:00 PM
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Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?

..... He forgot it was chained to his foot!

21/Jan/11 6:01 PM
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What is the main function of the Australian coach?

..... To transport the team from the hotel to the ground!

21/Jan/11 6:01 PM
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Q: What do you call an Aussie who can’t hold a catch?

A: A fisherman!

21/Jan/11 6:02 PM
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Q: Why can no one drink wine in Australia at the moment?

A: They can’t have any openers!

21/Jan/11 6:03 PM
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Q: What do you call a world class Australian cricketer?

A: Retired!
21/Jan/11 6:03 PM
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Bit of a family crisis here. Mother 94, is in Alice Springs Hospital with a broken arm which is unlikely to mend properly. She is unable to go back to her home and has been assessed as high care which means a nursing home. Have to find a nursing home near here then move her here with the minimum of pain. Not going to be easy........
21/Jan/11 7:40 PM
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Look at those eyes Gavin.
Peter, Good luck with the finding of a nursing home for your Mother.
21/Jan/11 8:40 PM
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Thank goodness for Shaun Marsh.
21/Jan/11 8:51 PM
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Peter, I do hope you manage to find a suitable nursing home very soon.
21/Jan/11 8:52 PM
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Today in summary.........

Easy – Gavin & Gramma. Guess what I’ve just done in my nappy........

Karen - First and second. Has the bug left or has IT died?

Grass-hopper – Finds a Dr Pepper in the oddest of places. It was More...
21/Jan/11 9:42 PM
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Today in summary......... continued.

Sabina – Survived the Brisbane floods almost intact but webbing is beginning to grow between her toes.

Anne – With not too many kind words for the Aussie cricket team. They’re doing all right tonight in More...
21/Jan/11 9:43 PM
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Hi All,

I don't know if this is true, but some of the UK's News stations have very recently reported that the Australian Government is considering a 'one-off tax' to pay for the costs of the Queenslands floods.

Is this correct?

If so, do Australians believe that this will More...
21/Jan/11 10:14 PM
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1:42. everyone.
21/Jan/11 10:30 PM
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Posting without reading.
Looks like we will have a good gathering on Sunday.
CynB, Vicki/Victoria, K, hopefully GrassHopper, me, Poss, BJ and Carmel are coming, and of course CP, all with friends and family, so looks like a good day.Don't forget I have a pool, so towels and togs if you want a dip.
All Sudokuists are welcome, just let me know and I will send you details.
21/Jan/11 10:47 PM
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Just read your post Neil and yes I did hear this on the news today, I tend to believe they will do this while sending billions of dollars overseas and only contributing millions to their own country then expecting us to cover their debts, but you cannot believe everything you read and see on the news.
21/Jan/11 10:51 PM
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Hi Broni,

Thanks for your quick reply.

I do not believe everything that I read and see on the news unless I can verify those messages independently. That was the reason for me asking the question.
21/Jan/11 10:54 PM
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I heard it too Neil/Broni, trouble is Broni it was the PM Julia that was being interviewed when I seen it on TV.I agree with what you say about the overseas help though.
21/Jan/11 11:00 PM
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Just good timing Neil, hehe!
Reckon you and Amelia can make it for the party for CP? Could be a good discussion.
To answer your question, yes it will be a 'one off' that will never be removed but you already knew that.
21/Jan/11 11:06 PM
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Well my pillow is calling my name, I now have a busy weekend.
Goodnight my friends.
21/Jan/11 11:08 PM
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Hi Broni, Fine, I will bring my axe.

To axe the taxes, of course.
21/Jan/11 11:12 PM
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Hi broni,

Keeping the ladies happy always requires good timing.
21/Jan/11 11:27 PM
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