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Submitted by: Gath

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TOPP
11/Dec/19 3:59 PM
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Home from work, had my Gypsy Cold Care and Nitey Night tea. Now for the inhaler, oxygen and cough drop. I coughed and snored all night last night and kept Fred awake. He got to watch a meteor shower and the moon set. I would really like a better night's sleep tonight.
11/Dec/19 4:02 PM
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And one more for a CP. Nite!
11/Dec/19 4:03 PM
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VEGETARIAN
Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt or fish.
11/Dec/19 5:00 PM
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The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.
The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the king and the queen went fishing.

On the way he met a man with a fishing rod riding on a donkey and More...
11/Dec/19 5:06 PM
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Excommunicated

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.'

The More...
11/Dec/19 5:08 PM
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Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad More...
11/Dec/19 5:09 PM
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Thanks Mr Cee. Looking for a smallish sedan (i30 is the favoured choice) . Haven't considered Holden or Ford as they generally tend to be too big for what she is comfortable driving.
11/Dec/19 6:19 PM
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Good selection of jokes today. It's always good to have a bit of humour in our day
11/Dec/19 6:20 PM
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Lots of helicopters overhead. Looks like a big fire in the National Park located 5 klms to the east of us. Hope they get it under control quickly
11/Dec/19 6:22 PM
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Arachnid i30 are a good choice.But beware of the Diesel as they need good maintenance and regular servicing of filters etc and if she inadvertently gives it a dose of petrol she is in for a hole lot of pain and a void warranty. Petrol i30 are a good car..
11/Dec/19 8:04 PM
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A Northern Virginian dies and wakes up in Hell

He is surprised that Maryland can wake the dead.
11/Dec/19 8:06 PM
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53 strikes again

11/Dec/19 8:07 PM
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A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

'Dear More...
11/Dec/19 8:12 PM
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Continued

Finally, the fourth distinguished officer, a Lieutenant Commander, is our ship's Medical Doctor. He holds an undergraduate degree from the University of Virginia with his Medical Degree from Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland. The Doctor is also well respected in the More...
11/Dec/19 8:13 PM
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1:30. Good evening everyone.
11/Dec/19 8:17 PM
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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice, only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the More...
11/Dec/19 8:18 PM
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Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax?

Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
11/Dec/19 8:19 PM
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Why can’t you trust atoms,

they make up everything.
11/Dec/19 8:20 PM
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Halloween is coming up. This is the best time to teach your kids about taxes and social security...

Take away 30% of their Halloween candy and promise them you'll give part of it back in 70 years!
11/Dec/19 8:24 PM
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Arachnid

Amelia

Jay
11/Dec/19 11:03 PM
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