Wood Nymphs

I shall start the first thread. What color tights should a wood nymph wear for travel?

Tree
Hello. Hello people, and welcome to 'It's a Tree'. We have some really exiting guests for you this evening. A fabulous spruce, back from a tour of Holland, three gum trees making their first appearance in this country, scots pine and the conifers, and Elm Tree Bole - there you go, can't be bad - an exiting new American plank, a rainforest and a bucket of sawdust giving their views on teenage violence, and an unusual guest for this programme, a piece of laminated plastic.

Shot of piece of laminated plastic with mouth.

Plastic
Hi there!

Tree
But first, will you please, please welcome - a block of wood.

Shot of large block four feet cube, with a mouth, on the chair next to Tree.
Shot of a forest with the sound of applause over.

Tree
Well, er, thanks Tree. I've got to pay the rent.

They both laugh. Shot of forest laughing.

Tree
Ha, ha, ha, ha, super. Well, what have you been doing, Block?

Block
Well I've just been starring in several major multi-million dollar international films, and, during breaks on the set, I've been designing a Cathedral, doing wonderful unpublicized work for charity, er, finishing my history of the world, of course, pulling the birds, er, photographing royalty on the loo, averting World War Three - can't be bad - and, er learning to read.

Tree
The full Renaissance bit, really...super, super. Well I've got to stop you there Block I'm afraid, because we've got someone who's been doing cabaret in the New Forest. From America, will you welcome please a Chippendale writing desk.

ANIMATION: a Chippendale desk.

Chip
Thank you Mr Tree. And I'd like to do a few impressions of some of my favourite Englishmen. First off. Long John Silver. (suitable animation) Arrrgh, Jim boy. Arrrrgh. And now Edward Heath. Hello sailor. Now a short scene from a play by Harold Splinter. (a huge hammer smashes it)

Animated compère:

Compère
Wasn't that just great, ladies and gentlemen, wait a minute we've got something else I just know you're going to love. (fanfares) Yes sir, coming right up - the Vocational Guidance Counsellor Sketch. (more fanfares)

Oh sorry...I'm a tree, but I really want to be a wood nymph...

I'll take the odd satyr thanx

Tree, be the wood nymph. You have it in you.

definitely puce colour tights Glinda - Tree went off on a tangent there - pulling the thread back onto track, puce lends itself unto camouflage combatic legwear which thus enables would nymphs the ability to scissor-chop the heads off unsuspecting toadstools by the sheer sheerness of at least 150 denier carbon nanotubes which not even a dengue fever carrying mosquito would dare attack. I rest my case...generally in an upright standing position so that my jellybeans don't spill.

I favour pale yellow...I knit each toe separately to cover the stubbly toes. Knit one, pearl one, knit one, pearl one, knit one...always keep hold of the thread or it will leave a gaping hole right in the middle of your bipedal locomotion...podophilia's eat your heart out. billy do you want one of my jellie babies...xx

i would if i could but i cant as i've just brushed my toothypegs (somewhat cab shiraz stained - may need bleaching), but can you keep one for laters? (blue, if you wouldn't mind dear heart.)

...and then i thought where would a would nymph be travelling to and by what means? Do tights really matter? Of course they do,especially if flying, if only to avoid DVT - nasty that. Glinda, where is the would nymph travelling to? personally, they should at least have options: footless, fishnet, stay-ups...all of them in 3 different hues of puce (try saying that quickly 5 times) to match their berets (apparently they're all the vogue on Perth beaches). That way the colours won't run in the wash (practical, hey what?)xxx must sleep before riding the waves...think Hawaii 5 O...de de de da de der de de de de derrr...

A wood nymph surfing. Hmmmmm. If a wood nymph surfs, is she really a wood nymph or is she an ocean nymph? A Nereid? We may need a new page....

I favour stockings...shaken not stirred...

"A real Lady always wears stockings. It doesn't matter how hot the weather is!"

Do you wear them when you are surfing, Cat Woman?

I'm only a seamrog...can I wear green socks?

A woman never reveals her secrets...flora-and-fauna...

post the jig...giggling...short catches of breath...sudden starts of the body...there you have it...The Fer Gigaoila
(you have to imagine the foot tapping episodes and the humour of the giggle...if you please)
Oh yes - to continue on the theme you must wear green tights whilst travelling through mid-air. Hand knitted or bought, either will do. Perhaps better as ringed stripes of pale and dark green? And I guess as it is St. Patricks Day woven shamrocks in your hair...

Gigue: I don't want to boast but here I am in a recent show I did...you can easily spot me I'm the one in the black and the green...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UD4jxsGhv4E&feature=related

What do wood nymphs do on their days off? Come to think of it, what do they do on their days on?

Or a pedestrian light...on, off, green, amber, even yellow on my off days...

Of course, you have to be a wood nymph (or a swain or an odd satyr) to understand just how clever marigolds can be. Just a thought.

So I pull my Stockings off
Wading in the Water
For the Disobedience' Sake
Boy that lived for "or'ter"

Went to Heaven perhaps at Death
And perhaps he didn't
Moses wasn't fairly used —
Ananias wasn't —

Emily Dickinson - wood nymph extraordinaire perhaps?

I was under the impression that wood nymphs wore wood. Birch bark blouses, balsam bloomers, etc. Or have I been nibbling on too many magic mushrooms again? Want some?

Hatter have you been drinking undiluted Mercury again?
Hand me a segar...

I'm quite sure that wood nymphs don't wear stockings of any sort.

What about wool socks, Rena?

I have been studying for ten years as a pre-wood nymph and I'm pleased to announce that I have past part one of the 'How to be a True Wood Nymph' certification. Now I feel almost, well, excited because I have been handed the ultimate prize...pure nymph wool for my tights...sadly I have to pass part two to receive the knitting pattern in true dryad style...I am humbled indeed.

They might wear wool socks if their grannies knitted them.

What do socks feel like?...nymph ones?

It depends on the season, andre. At the Nymph Sock Emporium (a full sock outfitter for all nymphs, including wood, lunar, and urban, now also featuring a department fully devoted to swains, on the third floor annex) there is a full array of spring nymphwear, featuring a very sheer sock woven out of magnolia petals and finely ground acorn shells. One can barely them. They feel like the wind.

It is cold in the forest today. Since it is spring, the nymphs have removed their socks, but I did notice one with a bulky sweater and earmuffs.

I heard a scuffle in the conservatory. With difficulty - because I am now old - I got on my knees, then peered under a plant-stand - and there was a strange creature. It was green and at first I thought it was a frog. I clapped my hands and it did not jump - so it could not have been a frog. Then it clapped tiny hands back at me. It was a WOOD NYMPH. It told me it was there to explain there was a thread on Wood Nymphs on the Sudokuland site and that I should contribute, and so initially I explain how this message came about.

Glinda, were the earmuffs knitted? Do I have to study the Earmuffian Law of Nymphs Regalia During the Nineteenth Century? I'm way behind in my Nymph studies already...and Autumn is on its way sigh...

and my library ticket has run out...

There's an online course one can enroll in, andré, at www.woodnymphcollege.edu. Of course, if you have an opportunity you should visit the campus just for the student-guided tours (earmuffs optional). Also worth a trip to the great hall for dinnner (earmuffs mandatory: white for visitors, green for faculty; brown for first years; teal for upperclassmen; pink or orange for postgraduates).

33

News from the Nymph Nowledge club. I have just completed my first paper on the Land Nymphs of the Oreads and I have been given the pass to the knitted sock cupboard. I realise this is such an honour and I hope all around will join me in celebration. I am wearing my green gilded socks for the occasion.

...albeit they are laddered.

...I snagged them on the trees during my studies sigh.

I'm a recyclable nymph. What sort of tights can I wear?