Sudokuaholics Anonymous 9A

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena ..

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday....'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Okay, not so great when it slips over onto the next page. I really should learn to count.

Pouring rain here. There is a huge puddle on the road at the side of our house - it's about 10 feet in diameter and growing. Pity the person walking nearby when there's cars going by.

Good joke Theresa - sorry I split it with mine - we posted at the same time!

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife......

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Broni, you might be sorry you asked ... I have a lot. I can access my email but I can't send or forward, so I have a backlog of jokes that people have sent me. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR!

A Calgary senior citizen drove his brand new red Corvette convertible out of the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 130 km/h, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left...

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down the Trans-Canada towards Banff, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Royal Canadian Mounted Police patrol car behind him, blue and red lights flashing.

He floored it to 160 km/h, then 180, then 200.

Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the RCMP's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said: "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with an RCMP officer. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Officer.

6 TRUTHS OF LIFE

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.


2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And discover #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.

5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face

I apologise about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company.

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demanded to know why the charge is so high. I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.'But we didn't use them," I said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. But sir, this cheque is only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens

Okay, okay, I CP'ed with jokes. I'll stop now ... please don't hate me!

Good joke, Cyn. I'm not officially a senior yet (at least in my mind), but don't mess with them!

Good morning everyone. This has been a really chatty bunch tonight/this morning. I woke up with two pages to catch up on. It is going to be a very rainy couple of days so I know my student will be a little crazy. I am attaching a link for a "feel good" story. It is about American high school football but if you read the story and then watch the video you will be ok.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Down-syndrome-football-player-scores-TD- in-Washi?urn=highschool-272803

Geez Broni! I emptied a couple of thousand emails out of my inbox last week... now I have to try to find one another way!

More Theresa!!!

Will look for more jokes if you send me chocolate!

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.

Oh Theresa, you are on a roll, go Girl!
It is good to have a giggle.

Checking in without reading to say we will be away most of today. We have an early launch this morning, in just an hour, at 7 am. I need another cup of coffee and then to dress. Hope to catch up when we get home.

OH, our first cool spell of fall! it is 55 degrees this morning, will need a light jacket or sweater/jumper today, as temp will not begin to rise till after we leave.

Hugs to all and extras!

366

I just don't want to offend anyone by any of the jokes. Still waiting for chocolate.

Theresa, thanks for all the jokes. It is a nice way to start the day. I will try to remember some and post tonight. The world needs a few more giggles. Usually something funny will happen in school so if it does I will tell. Be back later.

A QUOTE ON WOMEN:

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her a bit of cr*p, be ready to receive a ton of s**t."

Thanks Tami, that was a 'feel good' story, for those who care about others.

Sorry Theresa, have no chocolate but will a big sloppy kiss from a Basset do?

for now until someone with those smilies appear?

I love Bassets ... almost as much as chocolate!

Just going to take a break to scrounge some breakfast. Hope to be back in a bit?????

Hi everyone.
Two Irishmen making a letter bomb
Paddy- Do you think I've put enough explosives in?
Mick- Dunno - open it and see.
Paddy- But it will explode.
Mick - Don't be dumb Paddy, its not addressed to you.

Snort Viv!

Is this okay Theresa? It's all I've got...

This isn't a joke but I think it's kind of funny, in an obscene weird sense of humour way...

Two neo-Nazi skin heads trace their roots - and find out they're Jewish! True story.

No chocolate here Theresa, would this do instead?

From Ally - an oldie that everyone knows
A blonde decided she was sick of being labelled and all the stereotypical blonde jokes so she died her hair brown. She was driving along and stopped to admire a farmer's sheep. When the farmer came out she ask if she could guess how many sheep he had if she could take one home. The farmer thought that it was impossible so said like go for it. The blonde guessed 1582 and it was correct so she placed the sheep in her car and was about to start the engine when the farmer said if I can guess your real hair colour can I have my dog back?

Snort Zusy!
Snort Viv!
Yes please Viv and some for Zusy, Theresa and yoy.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh .... .......

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Hate it when you hit submit and see that!

Subject: Humor for Today~
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'

Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'

Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'

Hey, Viv - just loved the cracker joke you emailed - have sent it on to my grandson, he'll love it. I send him any clean ones I get!

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!!
An elderly Essex Lady called 999 to report that her car has been broken
into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the Operator:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even
the accelerator!" she cried.
The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police car is on the
way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake."

ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling
asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said:
"You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached
across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few
moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss
me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek
and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my
neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where are you
going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
guess what's in my hand can have s#x with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."