Sudokuaholics Anonymous 9A

On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales .

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,

"Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said................





"Burrr Gurrr King.

Okay - didn't mean to TOPP twice in a row - so on that note, I bid you all good night!!

heehehehe lol love them CynB.

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44? How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50"

I felt guilty for nothing, it was the previous page!

Hehehe I just love that joke above.
Cracks me up every time, yes I know.
Warped sense of humour.
I must get to bed too.
Nite all.

Viv I very nearly choked on that last joke!!! lol

Loved the funnies girls, thanks!
Goodnight from me too.

hehehhe so did I CynB.
Am still chuckling here.
That was one from a nice man called Graham that calls into the cafe and has coffe with John and I.
Every day he sends me quite a few.
Another man not married. Bit younger than John though. Lol ehehhehe
He has been married though, unlike John.

Oh yes that's right, I was going to bed. LOL
Nite all.

One more and then I'm off for a nap (been up since about 3:00 AM). BTW, I used to be blond until my hair darkened over the years.

PREGNANT BLOND

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I started jumping up and down along with her. She said, 'I have some really great news!' I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.' She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.

I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'

Then she said, 'There's more'. I asked, What do you mean there's more? She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!' Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said.... 'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Costco and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!'

Thanks for all the chuckles and the chocolate. Thanks for the idea, Broni. Love everyone's jokes - it's hard to type and laugh at the same time!!!

Testing 1-2-3

Okay, a funny from the news... A race course on the Gold Coast is advertising a bikini race - bikini, sensible running shoes, and you could win $5000. Open to both fillies and mares.

A comment by a woman from the Women's Electoral Lobby: "The Gold Coast Turf Club ought to get their heads read and their 'bits' measured,"

A reader comment underneath, a man of course: It clearly say's this is open to Men and Women so what is this womans problem

I'm finally back and everyone has gone to bed!! That last one was copy and pasted from the news and got me banned!! I replaced the p work with bits to avoid that happening again....

I'm up, but I've been reading several pages of jokes, half of which I've never heard before (Thanks, everyone) and half of which are golden oldies which needed to be repeated. Because I tell IH stories, does that mean I don't have to tell jokes? I don't get many in my e-mail.

So what do I do now? I'm relegated to the lounge or the back room (hubby is not well at all and needs his privacy) and you've all left me alone. I know - chocolate!!!!

Heidi! It's life Jim!

I deleted all my email jokes Heidi, I figured the good ones would come around again, and so searched the news for stuff. There's always funny stuff in there, even if they don't intend it to be funny.

Did I ever tell you all the 911 story? It's true. Really!

This happened a bunch of years ago. I'd given IH a cell phone for Christmas... his first... since he travels a lot. One night he was on an interstate in Ohio, and got a flat tire. He pulled over onto the shoulder and proceeded to try to jack up his truck to change the tire (I still don't think he knows how). He CLAIMS that the jack broke, and the wheel-less rim hit the ground. So, at midnight he calls me and wakes me up, asking me what he should do. I told him that he should not be changing a tire himself on a busy highway, and he was to call 911. They'd send someone out to help him. Then I hung up the phone. Five minutes later, IH called me back and asked..... wait for it..... "What's the number for 911?"

I think I've forgotten to mention this, but..... IH IS a blonde.

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A S*X CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

The room erupted in applause!

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

Heidi, love your story about IH.

BTW ----- I'm back _____

The Candy With The Little Hole
AND WHAT TEACHERS SHOULDN'T DO.......

The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red.....................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ............... Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
'Oh my God! They're a**-holes!

The teacher had to leave the room.

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith
says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little
children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little sh*t is adorable.

Okay, I'm stopping because I have ffuts to do. This was fun and I don't think I've laughed so much for a long time. Thanks everyone.

Heidi, I get approximately 10 jokes a day from relatives and friends, but most of them are more political jokes and cartoons that are relevant to my area. I also get a lot with cute animal pictures, etc. Too bad those can't be posted on this site. Since my computer has started "malfunctioning" I can't always get into my email to read or delete, so I had a huge accumulation. So far today I can get into my email, but I still can't send anything. TTFN.

I get mostly cute pictures, which won't copy onto this site.

I've got the last batch of peanut butter cookies in the oven. My SIL smelled them earlier this afternoon and he came over for some. His wife (my daughter) is allergic to peanuts, so they can't keep peanut butter in the house. This makes 9+ dozen today. Of course I had to sample the broken ones.

Hello, hello, is there anybody out there? Is it me you're looking for? I just might be the lunatic you're looking for.

I've got a corned beef in my oven. It should be done soon, then I think I'll put some cookies in, too. Maybe some oatmeal raisin cookies.

I do need to get the butternut squash cooking, too. And bake some biscuits.

Can I come over for supper, Heidi? You cook, I eat, sounds fair to me.

There will be plenty, Theresa. Come on over.

You and I have been the only ones here during the last 9 hours.

At least I'm in good company, Heidi.

Good morning - where are the rest of the Aussies? More good jokes while I slept!
Heidi - can you really ring 911 to organise someone to change a tyre?? Or didn't I read that right?

Theresa - I'm not usually a cookie person but the thought of warm peanut butter cookies is mouth-watering! Mmmmmmm!

Jewel, my poodle who thinks she's a big vicious outside dog instead of the lap dog she should be, is being clipped today. She'll be even more frisky then!

ANZAC BISCUITS
1 cup plain flour
1 cup rolled oats
3/4 cup desiccated coconut
3/4 cup caster sugar
125g butter
1 tablespoon golden syrup
1.5 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda
2 tablespoons boiling water

Preheat oven to slow 150C. Brush 2 oven trays with melted butter or oil.

Place flour, oats, coconut and sugar in a large mixing bowl, stir until combined.

Combine butter and golden syrup in small pan, stir over high heat until melted. Mix soda with boiling water, add to melted butter and syrup. Add to flour mixture, stir until combined.

Shape level tablespoons of mixture into balls and flatten slightly; place onto prepared trays, about 6cm apart.

Bake 15-20 minutes or until crisp and golden. Remove from oven, stand 2 minutes, transfer to wire rack.

Notes: I usually leave out the coconut. Honey can be substituted for Golden Syrup, but it has a much lighter flavour. At the soda/boiling water etc step, make sure your pans are oversized - it will foam up nicely if everything is going well. If the mix is a little dry just add a tiny bit of water at a time until it feels right. I bake for a shorter time so the biscuits are gooey rather than crunchy.

One more note: caster sugar is fine grained sugar, but is about the same as regular sugar in the US so you could use that.

Cyn, I would have thought calling 911 for help with a tyre would get you arrested! Kind of like calling and saying your dishwasher wasn't working...