Sudokuaholics Anonymous 9A

BTW Rolanda, I was born in Holland but have lived in Canada many, many years. My knowledge of the Dutch language is now almost non-existent. However, in the last six months of my mom's life she spoke nothing but Dutch, and amazingly a lot of it came back to me.

hey Theresa.. Fortunately Mum is nowhere near that stage yet. Nothing wrong with her mind!!!
When the time comes, it will be in High Care Facility she will be forced into!!
I understand Dutch quite well. Having listened it all my life. I am Australian Born, both Mum and Dad were born in Holland, migrated in the early 50's. Dad I think in 1951, Mum (as a single parent) with 2 children in 1953. She met Dad here in Perth, Married in 1955.
The Speaking and Reading, hmmm.. can get by with the basics.

Hey Theresa.. with both of us having a Dutch Background, you do realise that we are (sudoku) cousins !!

Cousins galore here on this site..
Cous vdV
Cous Dizzy Lizzy
Cous Theresa
Cous Madby3 (I believe Shar has Dutch Background)
..............

Greetings to everyone who has been here since I was here this afternoon!

Hi, Tami, Suzy, June, MizTricia, Heidi, CynB, and Rolanda!

Tami, I'm glad you and your family enjoyed the game and the right team won! How were the temperatures? (D in TX reported 99* F today. Yikes!

Suzy, I hope your car will be feeling much better soon! It's good that the predicted extreme weather hasn't panned out, though the wind you're getting is plenty strong enough with the rain.

June, seems like tonight would be a good time to get more sleep. I hope it happens! Your daughter is very special to take in all those horses! (SO glad you keeps them away from the "doggers."

MizTricia, sounds like the picnic was a complete success - even holding off the rain until all was finished. So glad that you were home before the storms hit! I hope you didn't have to fling food this evening.

Heidi, what did you decide to fling tonight? We had bratwurst on the grill - first of the season.

Cyn, so glad the squishing is done for the year! I must say that it has been far less painful for me since the hospital got digital equipment. Hopefully that is the case on your side of the world!

Rolanda, if only there were some way to help your Mum ease into assisted living - maybe a week or month stay. Once she is there, it will be more difficult to leave (I think). Luckily, MIL's doctor began discussing it before it became pretty necessary, so she started doing a bit of investigation. She has no interest in a very nice place that was about 1/2 mile from where we lived at the time - chose a place that took at least 45 minutes to 1 hour for us to reach. The good thing was that she chose it. A cousin has recently told us that MIL told her that she didn't make friends there - "you just go there to die." (She was there 7 1/2 years.) BTW, does she want to go to Holland for assisted living? Is there anyone there who would be able to visit and check in on her there? Or is she just choosing something that is impossible?

Heidi, your dinner sounds great - and so does your nap!

She is being difficult to get along with..
She would be putting up a fuss even if it was in Holland.
Her mind says, I can still do things, I am not ready, I am NOT going into one of those places Full Stop.
She is not listening to anything that she does not want to hear !!
Living in the Land of Denial !!

and as for getting her in the door of Respite Care.. Good Luck with that !!!

Rolanda and MizT, your dinners sound yummy as well. It's a good thing I already ate!

Hi, Theresa!

MizT and Theresa, you have also experienced this transition, so more good advice. (MizT, loved your comment about Rolanda and sainthood!) Unfortunately, while there are similarities, each of us has had to face it differently. Rolanda, sending prayers that you and your Mum can come to a mutual (and mutually acceptable) understanding and decision when it is required! Maybe you need to start talking about "WHEN you move into an assisted living facility" so that your Mum isn't thinking, "IF" I move into a facility. Hugs to you, my friend!

More thoughts, Rolanda, about the way things are phrased:

When you move, let's remember to pack ____.
What pictures shall we hang for you when you move?
You may not want to take these clothes you haven't worn for a few years with you when you move.
Let's buy some easy-care clothing for when you move.
Won't it be nice that you won't have to plan menus, shop for groceries and prepare your meals when you move?
Shall we buy some new bed linens for the bed in your apartment when you move?

The idea is to get that idea of moving in a positive light and mentioned often enough that she may actually start thinking "when" rather than "if." Good luck!

Julie.. please come and be her daughter, hope you have better luck then me and my siblings!!!

All of the above suggestions..
She is still doing and loving..
cooking, buying clothes, all the knicky knackys on walls, furniture ......
She still has plans of doing stuff,many more things she wants to do, unfortunately her health/body is not co-operating...
Not listening to the 'when' !!!!!

It makes it much more difficult for you, Rolanda, when the mind is still active and healthy.

Didn't realize there were so many Dutch people on this site!

Ah, you haven't been around when Lizzy and Rolanda start conversing in Dutch. It's been entertaining to try to decipher the 'code'.

I need to feed the dogs soon, then go back to sleep. I feel like my body is regenerating.

Sorry, Rolanda! I was just trying to think of anything that might help her start thinking of a move as a positive thing. Would it help at all if she felt like she would be able to help others? Perhaps she could teach a skill she knows, like knitting or origami and painting still lifes or she could help facilitate a club or start a reading or writing group. What are the things she likes to do that she could share with others?

Are there others originally from Holland who live in the facility? Or people from her church? I'm just trying to think of ways she might find a common interest with others there.

I wish I had answers, but only ideas, and, as I said, we were lucky in that it didn't require a hard sell or arm twisting with MIL.

Just minutes away from midnight here, and the witching hour is upon us. Good Night, Everyone! Good Night, Heidi, as soon as the dogs have eaten.

I do appreciate all the advice!!
Mum belongs to 4 clubs. She is never home. Which makes Home Help difficult to fit in !
and if she is home ..
Woe is me, Nobody loves me, Nobody pays any attention, Nobody to take me, Nobody wants me, Nobody rings, Nobody picks up the phone when I try to ring them, Nobody visits, No one to talk to....
We are between a rock and a hard place, and it is getting harder!!!

Rolanda, was she always demanding like that, or is that a recent thing?

Dutch? She sounds like a Jewish mother!

Yep pretty well always. Does not want to miss out !!
Does not like her own company.
The world falls apart if she should miss out on going to the clubs.
Or not going to Brother's place on the weekend
or my place on the Tuesdays
or my niece (with 3 littles and #4 on the way) can't pick her up and take her to one of the clubs.
...

Oh Rolanda, I think you are in for quite a few headaches.

Migranes you mean !!!

Maybe you should invest some money in the Tylenol company. Sorry, I don't mean to make light of your situation, because you are in a no win situation. And if you're like me, you feel a bit guilty even though there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty.

Rolanda, I really feel for you. I'm also going through the same thing but with both my mother and MIL. MIL is in an assisted living facility and generally complains about living there, no one rings, visits etc. She does know she can't live by herself but at one stage used to accuse hubby "You made me live here" until I set her straight about not even being able to walk down her driveway to the letter box. She hasn't made that complaint since.
My mother is getting to the stage of not really being able to live by herself. She is forgetting lots of words, can't go grocery shopping by herself, struggles to walk very far. She won't move because of Joan next door and Daph around the corner. We keep telling her that they won't care what happens to her when they decide they want to move. We think she will just end up in a high care facility because she won't move now and make friends elsewhere.
Old people are just stubborn and won't be told!!!

hehe.. yep I know what you are saying..
Twas feeling a tad guilty last week on Tuesday, when Mum had a medical appt, for which I had organised Transport to and from for her, and it wasn't me..

Yep.. Victoria.. you and me in the same boat!!

My MIL is quite younger than Mum, we still have about 10 or so before we are in this position we are now..
She is another stubbon woman.. despite what she says now that she will not be any trouble!!

Hi everyone!

Cyn, I'm sorry about the damage to your car but glad that you and Col escaped unharmed. It's still a terrible shock and takes quite some time to get over.

Suzy, I'm glad you missed the worst of the storm.

Theresa, great news about your test results.

Gail, your meals sound delicious. Can I come for dinner?

Hi to Suzanne, June, Broni, Bean, MizT, Tami, Julie, Brenda, Nola, Heidi (if I missed you then Hi to you too!)

Quiet weekend for me. Rained on Saturday so I just basically stayed inside and did nothing. It was lovely. Yesterday, I went to have drinks at the new neighbours house and caught up with some of the other neighbours. It was really enjoyable - good company and just a short stroll home!
End of the month here so I've been busy.

Mum as I said, nothing wrong with her mind.
But the walking with out losing breath !!!
Going to the postbox is getting harder.
Someone has to take her to do shopping, and being the stubbon woman that she is, says No to me asking do we need to do grocery shop, then 2 days later complains I have run out of....... and I have no way of getting to the shop!!
I cant go to my clubs if I am in one of those places.. The only one she would not be able to attend would be the Wednesday one.. it is for the aged still in their own homes.. they do the pick up and take home. All the other she can still go to.
and the list goes on..
So afraid of losing her independence... meanwhile the quality of life in one own home goes downhill, instead of thinking hey in Low Care Facility, I can still do things for me, but someone will do all the hard stuff !!!
I did try to have this type of conversation last week with her.. but She is not listening , thinks we are all trying to force her into a home, and gets all upset.

MIL always says she doesn't want to be a burden. Guess what? She is!
She said to hubby during the week that no one ever visits. Huh, didn't I spend most of the previous Friday with her! What she meant was that she doesn't see enough of him. He is going to see her tomorrow morning and then again on Thursday morning. I hope that keeps her happy for a few days.
Of course, she will complain when we go and see my mother on Saturday. She has a big jealousy issue with the time I spend with "my" mother.
Oh well! That's life as we know it at the moment!
Lord, I hope I don't behave like this when I get old or pity help my sons. Actually, they won't put up with it because they've already told me so!

My mother's words exactly. does not want to be a burden!!!

Shoot me if I am ever like my Mother !!!!!

I reminded her that her own mother was in a 'place' in Holland from before she was 80.
and that Mum hasn't been in my shoes, with an elderly parent nearby to worry about, and care about, and run around with..
"Oh well that was different, my sisters didnt do the right thing blah blah blah..."

On that note.. must get ready, have to go to Mum's, Lady coming from the Dutch Aged Care to fill out forms for the 'extra help Mum will be getting'. My being there has been requested, and being the good daughter that I am, said Yes. Not sure if the other daughter will be there, she did mutter something about maybe coming.

Mum is eligable for 5-7 hours of home help a week. We are lucky that we have got it as far as 2 hours a week.. NO I can still do it all myself.

Later Aligaters

Rolanda, can you all pull back a bit?
With the shopping - "Mum I can do it today but can't later in the week cause I don't have a car, or have appointments etc" Just to make her aware that you have a life and it doesn't just revolve around her.
If you could get your brother, sister and other family involved as well it might help. Especially if she phones the others and complains that they back you up (oh yes, she's very busy/not feeling well/ or whatever excuse you need).

{{{{{hugs}}}}} Rolanda

NO, noone else to do the running around really.. Brother and SIL busy busy busy, reschedule things hmm. SIL still works (has eye problems so is not driving, Brother does all her driving.. they are joined at the hip), Sister does not drive.. The younger brother.. forgotten what he looks like !!
So muggins here, who does not have a life, can drop everything and reschedule what ever, and do all the Hard Yakka... At least I know what is going on with Mum's health, and let everyone knows what is happening.. and believe me they get told, even if they want to hide their head in the sand!!!
If push comes to shove..
Brother and SIL will do it, or my very pregnant with #4 niece, or my Auntie ( Mum's youngest sister, but she herself hasnt been too well of late)

Thanks Gail for the Hugs.. ♥♥♥



going going gone !!!

bye

Rolanda, it really helps to rant some times doesn't it?
The frustrating thing is what mothers expect from their children but didn't have to give to their own parents. My mother's parents lived in Rockhampton (700kms away) and MILs parents went back to the UK.
It's not that I don't want to help but it's the expectation of having to drop everything to attend to their whims.

What Gail said....

And what Vicki said.

Not very original this afternoon am I?

Well, it's 2:30 AM and my brain is mush, so I'm going to grab a nap. Good night and take care everyone.

Oh Rolanda - I really feel for you and I went through a situation, albeit slightly different, with my parents. And I, too, seemed to always be the only available one. At the time, my sister still worked full time and my brother was and still does work full time and away from Brisbane. It was not fun - nor is the alternative, with them unhappy in care facilities, but it does give you some peace of mind to know they are being cared for and someone is there 24/7.
Big hugs and understanding from me too.