Sudokuaholics Anonymous 11

“No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.”
― Haruki Murakami

Since I set it up, I thought I shouldn’t surprise someone else with it.

This is something I’ve thought about because I read there were ways being developed to erase certain memories. I decided I didn’t want to erase them, especially since there were no guarantees that erasing the memories would erase the impact of those events.

poor Gizmo, so cold he was shaking. Glad he found a warm spot in your bed.

I was mistaken about the alarm not going off for Matt's kitchen fire. It did go off on second and third floors of building 1. I had forgotten it only goes off for the floor of fire and the fkoor above and below, and was not aware it did not go off in both buildings. Bur residents there did not respond, they thought it was still testing of the alarm, even after fire trucks arrived.

Cyn, love your kitchen range hood. I saw one very similar on Brother vs Brother, Jonathan and Drew Scott's TV show, I think it was. That range hood id very popular now, I knew just what you were talking about when you first mentioned, since I watch a lot of TV remodeling shows.

I spent 2 hours downstairs watering, and now we have RAIN! Well, the most time was spent sitting in my chair, hand held hose spraying the under the cross walk plants. But I started hurting as soon as the T storm started just now, bummer. I am headed to bed WITH MY HEATING PAD, and Suzy, know just what you mean curled up in a ball, that is just where I shall be.

Hugs to each of you with extras, till later.

Heidi, pleased the dentist ordeal is over, hopefully you'll be feeling a bit better by the time you read this.
MizT, how awful about Matt, glad it turned out that he was okay.
Suzy, maybe keeping the memories makes you want to rise above them. That's my wish for you. (((hugs)))

Thanks for the comments on my range hood. I will post some pics of the old and the new kitchen, but not right now. Things to do before Hayley's big 18th party.

Storm has passed us by, no more lightning and thunder. I fell asleep for brief periods both before and after night time meds. Pain just woke me, after only an hour, bummer.

Suzy, most interested in your comment about erasing memories. Like you, I would be concerned that even with memory 'erased' you would still feel the impact of it. I wonder if the erasing is similar to the effects of scopolamine and versed, drugs that are used for anesthesia. Doctors say patients do not remember events of surgery or the pain, because it is not written to the brain. But there are reports from so many patients of flashbacks of the surgery, I am more inclined to believe the trauma is written to brain, but it is like a computer file that has lost it's address, and cannot be found. but re calling things that are stored in the area where memory of surgery is stored can sometimes result in this 'unwritten' information being remembered. I need to do some research of this erasing memories, how it is done and such, very interesting. Thanks for sharing that with us. If such was offered to me now, I would say no thanks, as you have.

Finishing my warm milk and the rub with topical pain meds, so off to bed once again. 4 more sleeps.

OOOPS, somehow I missed MizT's post about Matt. Suzy, thanks for mentioning it, so I went searching. I'm glad Matt is OK, and hope his Mom is, too, since knowing that he's OK. I hope she has someone to talk to - seems like she still carries a lot of trauma from that long-ago fire when she lost all of her belongings when an apartment building burned to the ground. Will be thinking of her and Matt and sending many positive and warm thoughts their way.

Good TOPP, Suzy, and very well thought out reasoning about attempting to erase memories. Maybe it's just better to learn how to deal with them.

Suzy, I'm glad Gizmo knows how to find a warm spot for warming up when he gets so chilled. As I recall, he's a small dog, and I know from our D's miniature schnauzer how quickly they can become chilled.

MIzT, I hope the heating pad helps you to warm up AND eases your pain!

Cyn, I bet you're loving your new kitchen. The range hood is kind of a 'statement' piece of equipment. Will you be cooking or baking for Hayley's birthday party? Is it at your house? I'm sure she'll have a wonderful time.

MizT, I hope you finally fell asleep and are able to have a long and restful sleep!

Thinking also of Heidi and hoping her sleep after 7 hours at the dentist was restful!

It's time for the evening wishes sending many warm {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, healing energy, , prayers, and positive thoughts for all!

MizT, I don’t remember a lot of things. I know this because I see photos, even one that was in a newspaper, and I have no memory of them even happening. I figure if the memories of the bad things are erased I’ll have no memories at all! I also have this thing where all of my memories, even the good ones, I am looking down on myself. They call this something fancy, like dissociation. I call it FUBAR.

Tonight I put a folded up towel in front of Gizmo’s food dish. No shaking with cold when he was done! I’ll leave it, or another clean one, there until the weather warms up.

Phone plans these days have unlimited texts and phone calls, but limited data. My kids always use messenger to talk to me, which uses data. It’s great because we have a three way conversation with photos, memes etc. Just now Alie answered a question I sent last night asking what she’d thought of vivid Sydney. She apologised for taking so long to answer but she had run out of data and had to use her friend’s hotspot. It apparently didn’t occur to her to use her unlimited text feature....

Morning all!
A little anecdote re anaesthesia and remembering. A young friend of our took her 7 year old daughter to the dentist because she'd noticed a hole in one of her teeth. It turned out to have been so badly abscessed that the dentist put her under to clean it all out and fix it up. After they revived her and she and her Mum were driving home, she said to her mother,
'Mum, can we go and see that man again. That's the best sleep I've ever had!'
Her mother replied, 'No, we can't, that sleep just cost me more than $1000!'

Julie, no I didn't do any cooking for Hayley's party and it was at her father's house. It had a hippie theme and went well but she and her friends had too much to drink and didn't pace themselves very well. There were no bad incidents but I recken a few of them will be feeling poorly this morning. I was the designated driver so I have brought home a couple of jelly shots to consume later today. I believe they have vodka in them.
Colin won the best costume with a cheap dreadlock wig from the dollar shop and glasses that read groovy. He looked hilariously ridiculous. His grandies voted for him.

Greetings, Everyone!

Suzy, I can't imagine what it must be like to have no recollection of some of the things that have happened in your life. It is primarily from a particular time period or spread throughout your life? I'm so sorry. Have you tried to write down the things that you remember that may be important to you or your girls? Maybe your new doctor will be able to shed some light on this for you.

Great idea to put down a towel for Gizmo to sit or stand on when eating or getting a drink of water! I bet he really appreciates it!

Suzy, I basically use my phone for calls, occasional texting, or keeping a calendar up-to-date. I didn't know about unlimited texting, so usually have tried to keep texts concise. I basically don't use data, so no emails or facebook on the phone. I don't know what FaceTime is considered to be. I'll look at a bill and see if I can figure it out. (We FaceTime with Ds and grandies once a week or so.)

CynB, that's a cute anecdote about the young girl's reaction to anesthesia at the dentist. (I've never had more than a local shot for dental work. Guess I'm lucky!)

I hope Heidi, MizT, DOrA, and Midge are all doing well and will enjoy the weekend!

Sending healing energy, , {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, positive thoughts and vibes, and prayers for each of you!

Julie, I believe FaceTime uses data. I’ve no idea how much though.

I did try writing stuff down and found out something interesting. When I was young, I went to a two room school, kindy through 2nd in one room, 3rd through 6th in the other. Each year had a row of desks. Our teacher gave us lollies/candy for good work. I know all this but I only have one memory of the classroom. I got my knuckles rapped with a ruler for talking. So there is stuff I know but without the memories that tell me how I know it.

Cyn, it’s good to learn the hangover lesson when safely surrounded by friends and family.

I understand what it's like to have memory gaps. I have some, too. Whole years are missing. I blotted them out at the time they happened when I was a child. I remember one time in elementary school when I same to, so to speak. I suddenly wondered where I was and who the kids were around me. I had no memory of ever having seen any of them, nor did I have any knowledge of the past year. Yet they all knew me well. Considering the bad stuff I do remember, I must have blotted out some really nasty stuff. Unfortunately, I didn't remember anything from classes during that time, either, and had to pick it up on my own.

That’s the scary part, isn’t it, Heidi. If I remember this, what don’t I remember? I decided I didn’t want to know.

I don't want to know, either. I have enough nightmares and crying jags as it is.

I had memories of things that happened, cut no memories of my feelings about them. Feelings were buried deeply, and one of them came out when I was home a \lone. Not the best way for that to happen. I fell to my knees, with dry heaves, trying to spew those bad feelings out. I sobbed buckets of tears, still on the floor.
this all happened while working with psychologist. My next hour with him was most interesting as we talked about it. He helped me get all the anger and rage out, and I can think of the actions without the 'upset' now. I would have preferred to have been in his office when that happened, but I survived and it was healing.

Heidi, yes, we forget in order to protect ourselves. It is sometimes our only defense. Too young, too inexperienced to handle the feelings associated with it, so it is buried away. Sometimes it comes back at the most inconvenient times. I am so sorry you had memories that painful, it is probably better not to know.

I am glad I was not driving when those feelings and memories finally came together, and with a lot of people. they would have thought me mad, as unbalanced. I was mad, angry. took a while to get all the feelings out. Made my life a lot easier after it happened, depression gone pretty much. that week's homework, 'I am angry about' filled pages.

Julie, I did get to sleep, last night and even though I was up several times, was straight back to sleep, total of 11 hours. Kind of helped after the 3 hours night before. tonight I have slept an hour and a half, wide awake now, but at least pain levels are down. Half an hour till I can repeat meds, hope that works tonight.

Three more sleeps. this epidural really needs to work, I need my life back!

I’ve never lost it emotionally, I’m a pro at stopping my tears almost immediately. That’s not right, I’m lost emotionally, I just don’t cry uncontrollably. I sometimes think I’d be better if I did. I def have nightmares, and have woken up crying. I cried a lot when I was young and was ridiculed for it, maybe I taught myself not to cry.

It sounds like a lot of us have not nice stuff in our past. I wish that wasn’t true, but you’ve no idea how much it is helping me reading about how you coped... or didn’t cope. And I feel very selfish thinking of it that way.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

ONCE YOU READ THIS YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College,
girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved
clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the
rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past
and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on
his future, and nothing could stop him.
Over the phone, his mother told him, 'Mr. Belser died last night.
The funeral is Wednesday.' Memories flashed through his mind like an
old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.
'Jack, did you hear me?'

'Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought
of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago,' Jack said.
Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you
were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his
side of the fence' as he put it,' Mom told him.

'I loved that old house he lived in,' Jack said.
'You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to
make sure you had a man's influence in your life,' she said.

'He's the one who taught me carpentry,' he said. 'I wouldn't be in
this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching
me things he thought were important... Mom, I'll be there for the
funeral,' Jack said.
As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to
his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had
no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by
to see the old house next door one more time.
Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like
crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time
The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories.
Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

'What's wrong, Jack?' his Mom asked.

“The box is gone,' he said

'What box?' Mom asked.

'There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk.
I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd
ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'' Jack said.
It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack
remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the
Belser family had taken it.
'Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him,' Jack said. 'I
better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom.'

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died Returning home
from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. 'Signature
required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post
office within the next three days,' the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old
an

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old
and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The
handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. 'Mr. Harold Belser' it read. Jack took the box out to his
car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and
an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

'Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack
Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life.' A small key was
taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes,
Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful
gold pocket watch.
Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he
unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:
'Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser.'

'The thing he valued most was...my time'

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and
cleared his appointments for the next two days. 'Why?' Janet, his
assistant asked.

'I need some time to spend with my son,' he said.

'Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!'
'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,'
You mean the world to someone.

Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.

Always tell someone how you feel about them;
you will feel much better when they know
and you'll both be happy.

If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know
how much you appreciate them.

Pleas copy and send this to all the people you care about, if you do so, you will certainly brighten someone's day and might change
their perspective on life… for the better.

To everyone I sent this to:

'Thanks for your time'

I like that DorA, thank you.

I had to have Alie to a pick up point by 7 this morning. Brrrr. The actual temp was 9.4/49, the feels like temp a couple of degrees below that. I’m now under a quilt with Gizmo snuggled up against me. He must be feeling the cold too.

That is nice DorA! Brought a tear to my eye. And so true.

You're so used to hot weather that that must seem cold to you, Suzy. To me, that's long sleave shirt weather only... maybe a light sweater if I feel fragile. It's all in what you're used to, I guess.

Suzy, I am smiling and having a bit of a chuckle, and I should not be. Please forgive me, but it was your FUBAR that did it. Something Hubby Al said often, so often in fact for our first Christmas together (had just met him in September, we were just dating) I made him a coffee mug with FUBAR in huge letters on it. Where did you learn that? I thought it was US military in origin. you dear are not fubar. (googled it, and yes, US military slang from WWII)

SUZY, I am not sure how much data I have a month on my phone, but I never use it. Unused data rolls over, and I am amused when that automated voice asks 'you have ---Gigabytes of data, do you wish to buy more? ' nope just want to add my text and talk unlimited minuets for this month please. Wish I could send some data to you.

DORA, thanks for that. Yes, time is a precious gift, whether you are giving or receiving. Thanks for reminding us.

Suzy, in the winter, I looked forward to the 50 degree weather, if it was sunny. I would put on my fleece sweatshirt and go out to sit on the porch. Now 49 or 50 with a damp wind and I would hurry in for the warmth of the heater. Do you not have heat inside when it is that temp? I could not tolerate 50 degrees inside.

I have a non Sudoku Aussie friend, who like you would freeze at 50, but she could stand the 100 degree + temps, until she came to Georgia (next state over from me) when we had our 90/90 weather, when both temp and % humidity were in the 90's. She was accustomed to dry heat and our humidity was something she had never experienced. To much humidity for her was 50%, for me that was a welcome low humidity. Heidi, it is indeed what we are accustomed to.

Suzy, no need to feel selfish about feeling as you do about other's not so nice memories. I think I can say we are sharing with you to help you, and I for one am happy reading our comments is helping you.

Almost time for meds and warm milk. BTW, I did get back to sleep after the 1 am meds last night, and a repeat of warm milk. that is my comfort food ATM. I do not need it, calorie wise, but if it is comforting the next 2 days, I gonna do it. Hope I have no need for it after Tuesday. 2 more sleeps.

Hi, Everyone!

CynB, it sounds as if you and Col enjoyed Hayley's party. Congratulations to Col for winning the prize for best costume. Many thanks to you for being the designated driver! At least you got to bring a couple of jelly shots to enjoy at home. It's too bad Hayley and some of her friends may have had too much too quickly, but as Suzy said, it's better to learn that lesson in your own or a friend's home.

Suzy, Heidi, and MizT, it's a shame that you were 'robbed' in some way of portions of your childhood. I can understand the reluctance to find out what it is that you missed. MizT's description of what she had to deal with would deter me, if I were in that position. I hope you know that it doesn't matter to us, and we support you in your decisions. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

MizT, I hope you have another long and uninterrupted sleep! I hope the epidural in a few days will be a humdinger!

DOrA, thank you so much for sharing that! I also shed some tears. We are all fortunate to have each other and share some time on a regular basis. It's important to remember to share time with others and thank others for sharing their time with us!

Since I remember physical, psychological and sexual abuse, whatever my brain blocked out must be really horrifying. I don't want to go there. The shrink I saw for years supported me in that. He helped me keep my family from hurting me any more.

Greetings!

Heidi, I can't imagine what you have gone through. It seems you and the shrink you went to made the wisest decision. {{{HUGS}}}

I hope everyone has had a good day following a great weekend!

Sending healing energy, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, positive thoughts, and for Everyone!

MizT, I think I learned it from a book and since it applies, I remember it. I’m definitely FUBAR, I’m just good at hiding it. Years of practice.

Heidi, I remember those things too, but nowhere near to the extent of yours. I remember some of the things you’ve said over the years, and your parents were definitely FUBAR. Far worse than mine. I wish I’d seen a shrink for years. If I’d dealt with things as they happened, I’d be in a far better place now.

It’s cold and wet again today. My heater isn’t working. I’ll check the fuse when I remember while I’m up, then call my brother who used to be an electrician. For all the wet, we’re not getting much rain.

When I was with my family, I tried to get help from the school psychologist. I realized then that I needed help. Unfortunately, he decided that we needed family therapy and contacted them. They stormed into his office and screamed at him while making threats to destroy him professionally. I got a beating. They forbade him to ever speak to me again. I didn't get help until I got away from them.

He wasn’t much of a psychologist if he let that go by without contacting the authorities. Though it was different when we were young.

It WAS different back then. Unfortunately.

Back from the bariatric surgery seminar. This was step one of about a dozen. I learned a LOT. And I CAN do it.

Heidi, my mother had a friend who had a type of bariatric surgery, but she wasn’t really ready for it mentally. After the surgery she would eat until she threw up, then keep eating. Needless to say she didn’t lose any weight. People like her would be the reason you have to jump through so many hoops before you can get the surgery. It’s a pain, but worth it in the end, I think.

Hello, Everybody!

Suzy and Heidi, I admire both of you for all that you have done to be able to get through some rough situations. We support you.

Heidi, I'm glad the bariatric surgery seminar went well. Yes, you CAN do it.

It's too bad it didn't help your mother's friend, Suzy. I think it takes a large investment of time, will power, and determination.

Suzy, I hope temperatures warm up a bit, especially since your heater isn't working. I hope the fuse or your brother can get it working again.

Was MizT's appointment at the pain clinic today? Thinking of you, MizT, and hoping it was - or will be - a humdinger.

Thinking of everyone who posts and/or reads here and sending healing energy, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, prayers, , and positive thoughts.

Very happy right now. A while ago my neighbour fixed the stairs to my pantec, but I had no idea where the key was. I found it!

While in the pantec I found a painting I’ve been looking for. My mother did it over 30 years ago.

Greetings, All!

Suzy, what a wonderful double find. First, you found the key, and second, you found the painting your mother did over 30 years ago. Hooray! Congratulations. So happy for you! (Now, if the temperatures would just warm up a bit.)

I hope MizT is well and feeling much better! Please take it easy and enjoy the results of the epidural, which I think has happened.

DOrA, I hope you're continuing to improve after your surgery!

Midge, how are you and your family members? I hope all's well, and hope the horses are winning any races they're entered in.

CynB, thinking of you and Col enjoying your new kitchen. Take care!

Heidi, when is your next required seminar or teaching situation involving bariatric surgery? I hope you're doing well and hope the tooth replacement is going well!

Thinking of all of our friends, including any I have forgotten to mention. Stay well, my friends!

Sending healing energy, , positive thoughts, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}, and prayers for all!