marylinn from Utah

Ahhhh! A new Marylinn!
I see a " back" is in order!
Nice to meet you!
Are you a butterfly now?

hi there - good to see you back!

You need to have a comming out party.

Did you move from Utah to Oregon?

Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life....and you,young lady are still a mystery... .
A great big warm back my friend! Hope life has been good to you and that you soon have time to reveal as much of your tale as you choose. Stay safe, healthy and happy....looking forward to catching up in due time. Peace!

Welcome back marylinn. Good to hear from you. Hope things are going well.

Hi everyone again- I hope tomorrow I can come on and talk some more:) i'm out of time tonight!

Later

hey all-
Well I'm going to take some time here to share my recent path in life.

Last year in Aug, Sept and October 07' I started participating in a new form of therapy called Myofascial Release. It's purpose is to help you feel your pain that is stored in the tissues/fascia of your body and release it, let it go.
As I continued my sessions, more stuff came up, and it became very intense, things such as past abuse, emotional pain, and so on. It got so intense that I started trying to escape it, and use any other releases that I could to avoid the extremity of it.
Well, I ended up starting to smoke again, after a year/half off, and I also delved into a multi media relationship- with another man (not my husband). It did not end up in person, but it was bad enough, and one day through the midst of these sessions, I realized what I was doing (wrong, in this other relationship) enough to actually stop it, and I stopped it cold turkey. (Not the smoking) but the outside relationship.

Which is a big deal, as I was pretty much completely descensitized and past feeling at this point. (and I am grateful I stopped it for my own marriage sake, and this other man's, before it went in person, and also because I later found out some not so good things about this man, from his wife) Icky- I know.

During this time, and before we had been contemplating a move from Utah to Oregon. We did decide to come to Portland where my husband's family is mostly located. Where there really isn't any family here of mine (except 1 sister who left my family over 10 years ago, and hasn't returned). So as we moved I was left in the middle of all of this jumble of pain, and I still hadn't released it all.

So over the past several months, i've been trying to attain my own type of release through different methods to help with the things that were brought up. (because they are big things that affect my relationships with people, such as my parents, my husband, friends and other family- even strangers, and so I wanted to truly let it all go), well I'm still working on it to this day.

But as of March 20th this year, I've quit smoking again, and my husband and I, are trying once again to change our eating/health lifestyle. Since this stuff happened, I gave up on my health challenge last year.
So now I'm back at it- (lost 3-5 lbs, so far- my scale is a little cooky).

My husband knew about this other relationship while it was happening, I didn't hide it, and though it was painful for him, I think he knew I was reaching out to escape what was coming up in the sessions. Alot of it had to do with how I previously lived my life as well, and not having forgiven myself for it. (which I'm also working on now).
It stemmed poor relationships (especially with men, including my father and grandfather), and the way I was raised, taught, and choices I made from the time I was a child, teen and young adult.
It was an easy escape to choose, as I have struggled with sexua

Continued from PREVIOUS COMMENT:

It was an easy escape to choose, as I have struggled with sexual addictions since I was a young child, and other addictions as well.

Basically I learned how to utilize anything that would help me escape reality.

So i'm just in the process of healing from that stuff, and I have had good days and bad days throughout.

Also, as a sidenote- my husband also did these massage sessions, and he also experienced some things, more anger for him, but he also stepped into outside relationships that weren't necessarily sexual, but exciting/or interesting for him, however, still not good for our marriage. and we both had to let those go.

He's definitely the sane one in our marriage/life/relationship, and I am grateful and truly blessed that I have him, especially with my instability in life that has come at different times through out, and reared its ugly little head (or big head, I should say)..

In these present days now- I'm not always busy- but sometimes am, and other times, there is so much in my head(constantly running 24/7), that the thought of connecting with friends online can sometimes become too much, just the same as the thought of dealing with face to face people in my life is too much.

Some days I'm good, and other days I stay at home when my husband goes to his families, or church, ect.

Part of it is a mental and chemical imbalance in my brain that I've struggled with my whole life, (been diagnosed with everything from bi-polar to borderline pd and manic depression) and even had way too much therapy and medication for it in the past.

I decided about 8 years ago, as I started out in my 20's that I would not do medication to alter or fix myself, or my moods, and ups/downs. Mainly because the medication either changed all of my personality, and robbed my creativity, or it made me physically ill.

So, i've been living life somewhat up and down for a long time, and you all (my friends who've known me for a time on here), have just been a part of experiencing that in the last months, or so.
So you'll have days where you'll see me, and i'll be fine, and then you'll have days where i'm not around, or i'll be around, but not so good. Usually i'm okay, and sometimes just emotionally or mentally not available.

I'm sharing this with you, because you've been my friends for a while now, and didn't give up on me for all of these months.

I've been here on this site long enough to know that many of you are real, honest, good people, who do care about your friends on here, and else where, and so that is why I share this personal stuff.

I'm not so much embarrassed by it, as that I normally would protect this part of myself, but it's who I am, or have been through out life- and since I'm trying to return to my friends here, and stick around more often, I feel that I'd like to share this, and I'm okay with it.

Sorry if I scared any of you off with my candid explanation or details, but I

CONTINUED FROM 2nd POST ABOVE:

Sorry if I scared any of you off with my candid explanation or details, but I want my friends who watched me disappear, to understand, and to know a reason why, or to at least know what I've been up to.

In the midst of this stuff going on, we have been taking care of our dog. Still no child yet (probably a good thing as I work through so much), but my husband can't wait to be a father.
I do love children, neices/nephews and such, always have, and I do hope for a child, but I'm not in a hurry, even as I near 30 yrs, because I want to be healthy mentally and physically before I have a child.

I'm in the works of writing a book with some family members, and by myself (though that is slow going).

I've spent some of my time decorating our home/ taking care of flowers/plants that we have, and doing scrapbooking, reading, writing, other arts/crafts and participating some in church, and church activites.
I've also been working as a substitute for a local school district here (not a licensed sub, but a different kind), and cooking, spending time with my husband and other family here, as well as spending time at local evnts such as drag racing, shopping at saturday market (like a farmers market),and
most recently spending time catching up online on different things from email to family things.

I hadn't had time to come on here previously, until recently because we were having to use the library internet with only one hour usage, per day, and it was always gone before I could get to anything extra. (aside from email, family and business things).

So now that it's available back at home, you'll see me more often:), and I'm going to try and catch up to those of you- who personally left me a message since the time I disappeared. :)

thanks for reading all of this if you did, and I hope you know, that what I shared about what i've been up to, in the way of mental/emotional breakdowns, is not all that I am, or do. It's just something that hit pretty hard, and strongly, and pulled out all of the stops in my life for the last while.

I still laugh, love humor, chatting, banter, and still have opinions, be it political, personal or otherwise.

I look forward to doing the puzzles here again and keeping up with you guys :)

marylinn

marylinn

All I can say marylinn is ..Wow! How brave you are...not for disclosing these personal things to us, but by being willing to look at yourself in such a deep, soul-searching way...to acknowledge that, while you are basically a good person, you are also a flawed person...many of us are unwilling to admit that to ourselves. We, as human beings have within us so many complex thoughts and ideas that to present ourselves as paragons of goodness or as completely unredeemable folks is impossible. I thank you for trusting us to see you as you are....marylinn...bright, funny and kookie...who sometimes does and says things we like....or maybe not....so be it....Welcome girlfriend...vent, joke or find your own space...glad to have you around again. Special kudos to your cute hunk of a hubby, for hanging in with you on the roller coaster called life!
May peace find you when you need it or want it!

Thanks for sharing, Marylinn. Yes, I've been worried about you and have thought about you many times. I'm sorry you have been going through so much, but you seem to be taking charge of your life now. You have my prayers and good thoughts as you continue to put your life in order. There are many good people on this site, some of them going through issues similar to yours. Something a little less serious ... I AM very glad to hear that you have kept that adorable husband of yours! Love to you both.

Marylinn
you are a very brave young woman to share all this with us but you are correct in saying this is a very caring and considerate site with such great support and concern for those who need a hand at the tough times in their life.
let the extended family here on site support you through the tough times and let us enjoy your fun and laughter when times are good for you.
sending you

Very glad to see you back, my dear. You've been missed and I've thought of you often.

Hi Marylinn I do hope we get the chance to catch up. I'd love to know what's been going on in your life all this time you've been away. It's really so good to have you back.
Soon

I am so glad to see you! You look radiant! Real friends do not mind a little 'vacation' - We are here, welcoming each other, with open arms.

Stop whenever you are up to it and I promise to do the same.

Hi Marylinn, Thank you for your lovely note, I read all that you took time to write and share with us. I understand very well where you are coming from and all the suffering that it may cause at times. Keep your chin up and I wish you the very best.
Always, Orianne

Marylinn - Wow!! So good to hear from you. For a not-yet-even-30, I am very proud of you and happy for what you have accomplished for yourself. Instead of letting yourself go, you have taken control of things. That shows what strength you have.
Know that many on this site WILL think if you and are behind you on those days when things don't seem to be going so well. It is great to have you "back".
My prayers will be with you, your husband, and your family.
All my best.
jamie

Marylinn, I left the previous note in response to your note on my page and prior to reading the above. I am so sorry you had to go through all this alone or felt that you did You have so many people here ready and willing to support,aid and assist you at any time through any thing You are an incredible person to be going through this, handling it by yourself, and dealing so well. God Bless you And remember, for anything you feel you must be forgiven, He has already forgiven you, and that is all that really matters.
I care.

Marylinn ( it's hard not to call you 'Anew'). Congratulations for recognising and seeking treatment for your various problems. You are a brave and strong woman and (Im sure I speak for the majority) will get to a peaceful resolution in time. While you're doing that - I reiterate what others have said and will continue to say - we are here for you with support, shoulders to cry on, ears to be bent, jokes and jokes to share. Good Luck and hope to have a chat to you soon.

Marylinn, it was fabulous chatting to you today.
Take care,
Gail

Dear MARYLINN.
Many thanks for your very kind post.You are a good friend and I do like to keep in touch.I believe that We need to have friends who feel that We can be able to open our hearts to them.
Thanks for your visiting my page and please keep in touch that a pleasure to me.
Take care and have a very nice time.

Hello Anew!!!!! Hggmm Hgggmmm!! Marylinn! It is so good to have you back and I must admit I have missed you!!!! I am looking forward to seeing your pictures!!!! BACK!!!!

My youngest graduated from High School last year and my life hasn't slowed down yet..... I am wondering if it ever does. I have been back to Florida to help my mom and dad and I am happy to say that I feel my mom is doing better.

I have met Shiela/Michigan, Kathy/Valrico, Chalkboard/Florida and Carol/Punta Gorda. It has been so exciting to meet people in person. What wonderful people this site has attracted!!!!!

We had a long long winter here in Michigan this year and it really makes one appreciate Spring.

A Robin has made their next on my husband's ladder on the back of his shed. Last night we noticed that the eggs have hatched!!!!! They are so precious.

My hummingbirds are slowly appearing and my trees in the front yard are blooming!

Thank you, Marylinn, for stopping by! It is great to have you back!

Hi there beautiful girl, hang in there we are all here for you.

Marylinn, what a strong, brave woman you are! You are taking your life back, and what an ordeal it has been for you! I admire you so much for facing your problems and dealing with them.
Please know we are here for support if you need it. You are one of the family and you have surely been missed! Welcome back, sweetie!

Marylinn, thank you for the thorough description of what you've been going through. As others have said, this is a caring site, and we're here to be supportive, understanding, and maybe most important, offer encouragement. ~~ What I remember us exchanging information about was gardening ... so, do you have a yard to play in at your new place? Portland has a great climate for gardening.

Wow - Anu aka: Marylinn - that is quite a coming out party (see my post above). It is good that you have confronted your demons and can talk about it. I hope the confrontation, in the end, enriches your's and your husband's lifes & marriage.

The site has several Oregonians. I have met both Dave & Keith & their wives. They are good people. [We are all about twice your age +++]

Anytime you need to "talk" or have questions, you know where to find me. Welcome Back!

Marilynn, I have just read your new posts and although I barely know you, you are a person that deserves a fresh start and what better place than amongst the wongerful souls on this site. Take care of yourself and your family (including us!) and do not be a stranger anymore. I personally am overwhelmed by the kindness on this site.

Hello Marilynn. It's nice to hear from you again. You have been through some trying times and have won your battles so far, so keep it up. Glad things are going well for you and yous, and I'm pleased you are sharing your thoughts with those of us on the site again. Cheers!

marylinn, it is so good to have you back, you have been missed. how brave to face your demons, & even better to win. keep up the good work

Dear Marylinn,
Thank you for your support while I have been ill. I never expected such a response from this site, everyone’s concern and caring has overwhelmed me. I can only say that it is the genuine people here who make this a very unique place to share our hopes, dreams, ups and downs. So thank you for being there, even though we have only just met.
Broni

snap - crackle - pop???
hmmm only thing I can think of would be the characters on our "rice bubbles" ceral.
LOL.
Must put more thought into this!

Love the youtube!
Avatar looks great also!

Hi
Thank you for your note on SA page , i am glad with all your thoughts and emotions

Hello Marylinn at last you are here... it is so good to see you back and stronger than before. You have been through so much and I admire your courage for sharing details of your life, keep on being positive and know that I have been thinking of you... take care of yourself for there is only one of you xxx

Hey marylinn, thinking of you.

At 30 years old, a good man, was taken from this earth life, in a freak accident, 11 years ago today.
He left behind a beautiful wife, and 3 young boys...lots of brothers and sisters, parents and more.


Darin, I love you!

I miss you!

Thanks for being an angel to me, and your boys and wife, and for watching over us, and protecting me, in times I know of, and times I don't.

God be with us till we meet again!

Your IT I just tagged you. So no more .

Thank you Marylinn for making my birthday a special one.
Many sudoku friends from around the world coming to visit me and wishing me a Happy Birthday have overwhelmed me.
My Husband and sons took me out to dinner to a Chinese Restaurant, and on the Sunday, we had a delicious Roast Dinner at MIL’s.